if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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