goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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