Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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