How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
