We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
