you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
