Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
