ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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