i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
