we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
