Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
