i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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