The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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