hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
