I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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