Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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