i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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