I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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