he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
