that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
