Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
