She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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