While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize