Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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