don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
