is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
