If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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