Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
