I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
