How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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