I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
