Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
