Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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