Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
