why didn't you poke me back
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize