I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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