After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
3pm strippers are depressing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
