Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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