dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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