am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
