Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
