her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
