She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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