Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
