it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
