his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
