Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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