Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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