Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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