Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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