We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can you bring me the toilet please
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
