windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
