They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize