At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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