4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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