I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
