I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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