Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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