It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
