I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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