i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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