I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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