you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
