im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
