The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
