i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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