I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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