I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
