May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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