i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
