i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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