I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
