Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
