foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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