he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
