dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
