True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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