I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize