I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My cat gives me a boner
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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