I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
