i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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