she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
