Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What drink are we having for lunch?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
