I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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