Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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