I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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