True but thats because hes a fetus.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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