im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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